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<title>Birds fly in different directions (I hope to see you again) by Valkrist (Anouk_Tyrell)</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24494650">Birds fly in different directions (I hope to see you again)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anouk_Tyrell/pseuds/Valkrist'>Valkrist (Anouk_Tyrell)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Peaky Blinders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, Love Bites, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sex mentioned, Tommy/Alfie/Tenderness, cause I still don‘t exactly know where this is going haha</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:07:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,393</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24494650</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anouk_Tyrell/pseuds/Valkrist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time they saw each other was at Alfie’s bakery, as he would call it. A sheer business meeting that had been pending. Alfie had sent the man a telegram without exactly knowing who he was awaiting. He had heard a lot about the Peaky Blinder - in the area of horse-racing bets one always heard something about the other people involves - but he would only get the details during their first encounter, he understood</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tommy Shelby/Alfie Solomons</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Two hearts, one valve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello my friends!</p><p>So I found this nice prompt (I‘ve never done something like this before, but this idea was simply too nice to ignore it) and thought that it‘s probably worth a try, especially with such nice characters we have here :)</p><p>Promt for sad/angsty fics: Take your favorite couple and write one (or more) one-shot(s) describing “the first time and the last time” they did something together. Might contain:<br/>- the first and the last time they saw each other<br/>- the first and the last time they kissed<br/>the first and the last word they said to each other<br/>(source: https://fanficy-prompts.tumblr.com/post/146085902335/shipping-angst-prompt)</p><p>I wanna write all of this things, so there‘ll be three chapters.</p><p>As I‘ve been listening to "Birds" by Imagine Dragons a lot during the last days, it kinda inspired me while writing, too. It simply fits the atmosphere so well, so you'll find it everywhere - work title, chapter titles, at the beginning of every chapter :) you can also listen to it, it‘s such a nice, kinda bittersweet song.</p><p>And now ... simply enjoy :)</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The first and the last time they saw each other.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>strawberriez8800‘s mood board at the beginning of "Salvation" was kinda inspiring, so I created a collage for this story. Well, it didn't feel like procrastination, at least not as much as in most other cases, so it‘s alright, I think? I love all this aesthetics stuff.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em>Two hearts, one valve<br/>
</em> <em>Pumpin' the blood, we were the flood</em><br/>
<em>We were the body and</em><br/>
<em>Two lives, one life</em><br/>
<em>Stickin' it out, lettin' you down</em><br/>
<em>Makin' it right</em></p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>The first time they saw each other was at Alfie’s <em>bakery</em>, as he would call it. A sheer business meeting that had been pending. Alfie had sent the man a telegram without exactly knowing who he was awaiting. He had heard a lot about the <em>Peaky Blinder </em>- in the area of horse-racing bets one always heard something about the other people involves - but he would only get the details during their first encounter, he understood.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy had seemed so strong and yet fragile. He had looked like shit, beaten up, but his glances had been intense. So intense and determined that Alfie had been able to overlook the rest. The wound that stood out against his cheek. The cheeks that appeared to be a little bit sunken.</p><p> </p><p>Tommy’s right eye had been bloodshot, but he had been holding his own. Had tried the brown <em>bread</em>. Judging by the look on Ollie’s face, it had been amusing when Alfie had remarked that it didn’t correspond his rank. He was a boss, not a worker. One who ignored his nosebleed and even put alcohol last when he had to do business first.</p><p> </p><p>He had sticked to his opinion and Alfie could only admire him for that. This was a worthy ally, he had noticed as he had pointed his gun at his head. He hadn’t even batted an eye and had stayed calm while Alfie had threatened him. Maybe a little bit too calm and also a little bit to serious for Alfie’s taste, but he was a man who looked presentable. One who had the determination needed to work together with the police and to join forces against other people.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The last time they saw each other was after Alfie had written him a letter. The letter that showed Tommy where he had to look for him.</p><p>It had been the right decision to retire to Margate. It was a beautiful, calm place, far away from the conspiracies that took place in London. It was about time to start living a quieter life - something Tommy would probably never consider for himself.</p><p>When Alfie reflected on it all, then he had actually started to hate the loud city a little bit. All the noise, the fights, the business. He didn’t need them anymore. Even if he didn’t like to say it out loud, he got older, maybe too old for the burden the wealth involved.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe he had also got everything he needed. Admitted to himself that some things were out of his league. That it was better to leave it all behind.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe the only thing of importance was that he had met Tommy. That he - somewhere deep in his heart - couldn’t bear hearing about the danger the man exposed himself to. He feared for him. Every time he noticed something, his hands were trembling. Sometimes he simply threw his hands up in horror, clenching his fists afterwards. Tommy definitely knew how to evoke a wide spectrum of emotions of his acquittances.</p><p> </p><p>But it weren’t always only the bad emotions he evoked. Alfie still couldn’t help smiling when he thought about their good sex. How Tommy’s moans sounded more and more beautiful every time he came.</p><p>He had grabbed Tommy in his arms for a while. Had run his fingers through his hair and felt the arms wrapping around his body. Damn, he had even grown fond of the tattoos on them, had traced them with his fingers. The sinful lips nipping at his earlobe had been way too good, too. He hadn’t wanted to let him go, and still it had been necessary. This was probably their common destiny: An eternal back and forth, no hope for real rest.</p><p> </p><p>Or was it the time he had secretly observed him that counted? Ha had looked so beautiful, sitting on the horse. How was its name again? Dangerous? Grace’s Secret? Monaghan Boy? Tommy had told him about all of them while they had cuddled each other, but if Alfie was honest, he was still more than just confused regarding the names. Quite apart from the fact that other things had been more important at that moment…</p><p>He had felt like a little boy. Had been standing there secretly, with a safety distance. This was Tommy’s territory. A territory he didn’t belong to. It wasn’t their coming place where they shared their secrets. And still he had repaired their as he had missed him. He did it in spite of himself. How could it be any other way when weeks had passed since he had heard the voice the last time? Since he had felt the touched on his skin, the words gently whispered into his ear? Tommy didn’t really show everybody how eloquent he actually was, but he knew how to make Alfie’s flesh crawl in a pleasant way. One that only the tender words out of his mouth could cause.</p><p>But this or that way, Tommy had looked gorgeous. Somehow calm, in harmony with nature. The big, black horse had looked mighty. Somehow solid, and still Tommy had been sitting on this throne without fear. A reckless but brave man.</p><p> </p><p>Or was it maybe the photo he still had that counted?</p><p>In the past, he always had had to hide it, he could still remember it. How would the others have reacted if they would have discovered it? Nobody should now how much Tommy meant to him except the Gypsy himself. He was his weak spot, if you want to call it that.</p><p>The man he had to protect at all costs. Even if it meant hiding some memories.</p><p>This way, their last <em>encounter </em>could be as long ago as Alfie wanted it to be. Anyway, it had always been Tommy’s whole appearance rather than his words that spoke for him - a quality Alfie could only admire.</p><p> </p><p>But now, he didn’t have to hide the photo. There were only other two people who could catch sight of it, therefore it didn’t matter. It wasn’t a problem if he left it in plain view one time. However, he preferred not to shout it from the rooftops. Every now and then it perhaps felt quite good to still have a secret.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Fun fact: Not knowing the English word for something can be so funny from time to time. For example this time I mentioned the black horse. In German, there are special terms for like every horse coat color (I know, in English there are also some, but it seems not as many as in German, I suppose), in this case the word is "Rappe". Seems to have something to do with ravens cause they‘re black, too. Damn, why didn't I know that English is way easier, at least regarding this description? I had already mentally prepared for new vocabulary and then Google was just like yeah there is no special term for it, what did you think?</p><p>So yeah, that‘s my life in a nutshell. Languages are funny. And they make fun of me the whole time, I suppose.</p><p>Nevertheless, I hope you liked the chapter &lt;3<br/>What do you think about this lovely but angsty kind of stuff? Do you like it or do you prefer this pure Tommy/Alfie/Tenderness-and-they-are-all-happy kind of mood? :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Some nights I think of you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The first and the last time they kissed.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>QOTD: You actually never liked reading this angsty stuff. Why do write some (haha, only some, yeah) on your own now?<br/>AOTD: I have no idea. I have no idea...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>Sunsets, sunrises<br/></em>
    <em>Livin' the dream, watchin' the leaves</em>
    <br/>
    <em>Changin' the seasons</em>
    <br/>
    <em>Some nights I think of you</em>
    <br/>
    <em>Relivin' the past, wishin' it'd last</em>
    <br/>
    <em>Wishin' and dreamin'</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p> </p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They first time they kissed was after an argument. Tommy would have preferred to send Alfie to hell - and Alfie couldn’t help but thinking about the mouth that had been only some centimeters in front of his own.</p>
<p>He wasn’t worried that there were still some blood splatters on the skin of his counterpart. There truly were more important things as he leaned forward. Put his hand on Tommy’s cheek. Let their lips touch. He noticed that he had taken Tommy by surprise. It took some seconds before Tommy kissed him back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His lips had felt good. Maybe a little bit rough, as often as had probably bitten them already, but fucking good. He obviously had enough experience to know how to do it the right way. Even if Alfie preferred disregarding all the women he had heard about, at least this one thought didn’t leave his mind for some seconds.</p>
<p>Slowly he had slipped his tongue in Tommy’s mouth. The slightly open mouth had been too inviting. Alfie didn’t dare opening his eyes. Damn, it felt good. Such a contrast to what had happened only some minutes earlier.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Only later did he realize how they had pressed against each other at the same time. How Tommy had slowly put his arm around his waist to pull him even closer. To dig his fingers into the fabric.</p>
<p>The touch with his fingertips felt good. Somehow soothing. As though the world still held some beautiful things for everybody.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They had only reluctantly released each other from their embrace. Alfie couldn’t even say why exactly. Lack of air? The realization of what they had done? An inner voice that said that they simply shouldn’t do it that easily?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Alfie…“ Tommy hadn’t known what to say or even what to think. Probably he still felt blindsided and hadn’t truly realized what he had done there rather subconsciously.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I did not know about your boy, though.“ - “I know. I saw.“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was their unusual trust they put into each other. After all the betrayals it was almost reckless to give credence to each other. Yet Alfie couldn’t help but holding Tommy close. Whispering a quiet <em>I’m sorry </em>once more.</p>
<p>And he was sorry. He knew how much Tommy cared about Charlie. Even if his imagination would probably never get close enough to reality, Tommy’s gestures spoke for themselves. It had to be this responsibility and love that brought out the best in a person. Apparently, this was the reason why Alfie would still thirst for the Russian treasuries whereas Tommy would slowly realize how easily one could destroy a family.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The last time they kissed felt like a goodbye kiss. Bittersweet, full of hope, unique in its own way.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There were two things Alfie could say about their kisses. First: Each time the lips of the other felt more familiar, more intimate. Second: Each time Alfie had the feeling that it could be their last encounter, that it was the last time they would stand that close to each other - and it got stronger. Third: Even if it would be their last time together, he would never be able to forget how it felt like. How he brushed his lips against his own. How Tommy clasped him to his breast - sometimes sitting on his lap, sometimes simply standing there. Every time he could feel the warm body of the other next to his own, it sent pleasant shivers down Alfie’s spine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As self-controlled as Tommy always acted, during this kiss he wasn’t able to hold back his emotions anymore. It had probably still only been a small fraction of what ordinary mortals showed, but Alfie had still felt it in all its intensity.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy hadn’t appeared less desperate than Alfie himself. Like a human who was alerted to dying within the next few days - and it wouldn’t be a natural death, that much was certain. As much as he hoped that he was wrong about that.</p>
<p>Alfie had laid behind Tommy and had put an arm around him. Hadn’t brought up the fact that Tommy was slightly trembling - he wouldn’t admit that he could feel something like fear, anyway, and blame the ambient temperature for it, even if the ladder was nearly too warm.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Alfie had planted kisses on his nape, his neck, his forehead. Had looked into those blue eyes that seldom looked that helpless. Alfie’s lips had brushed Tommy’s temple, his cheek, before he had devoted himself to his mouth.</p>
<p>At that moment they forgot about everything around them. The rain pounding against the window. The low words the radio uttered. The pistol and the binoculars that normally provided amusement. The few lamps that lighted the room a little bit. The bottle of whiskey that was still standing some meters away from them. Alfie himself wouldn’t touch a drop, but he had it there nevertheless, for Tommy’s sake.</p>
<p>He knew exactly how the latter would react: With a slight smile, as if he wouldn’t care about it, but he would still appreciate it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tommy sucked in Alfie’s lip and carefully nipped at it. Alfie moaned in surprise. This truly was an initiative he hadn’t expect - even though he should have known better, after all this time.</p>
<p>In the beginning Alfie had wondered were this eagerness came from - whether Tommy wanted to show strength or lose himself in it - but then he had realized that he simply was a man of contrasts. Someone who could first catch Alfie off-guard with all his energy, but after a while huddle up against him and look absolutely innocent.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Tommy didn’t have to hurry, it was especially wonderful. Alfie loved to tousle Tommy’s hair and to laugh when the latter slapped him. He would never admit that he liked it, but the fact that he was still sitting next to him said it all.</p>
<p>And it felt good. Soothing. Especially intimate when they were still naked, Tommy leaned against him - a whiskey glass in one hand, sometimes a cigarette, too - and the only listened to each other’s breathing.</p>
<p>Alfie insisted on stealing kisses again and again. On occasionally taking away the cigarette from Tommy to take a drag himself. By now they were sharing so many things that it wasn’t a problem anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That’s what made there last kiss even more beautiful and sadder at the same time. Who was to say when he would visit Alfie the next time? If he would come back at all?</p>
<p>But what difference did it make when they were sitting next to each other, tightly embraced and Tommy whispered into Alfie’s ear that everything would be alright.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You know you‘re a masochist when you're kinda breaking your own heart writing fanfics.</p>
<p>But yeah, nevertheless, what do you think about it? &lt;3<br/>And thanks for your kudos, my friends, love ya :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Love will never die, die, die</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The first and the last word they said to each other.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p><em>Seasons, they will change<br/>
</em><em>Life will make you grow<br/>
</em><em>Death can make you hard, hard, hard</em><br/>
<em>Everything is temporary</em><br/>
<em>Everything will slide</em><br/>
<em>Love will never die, die, die</em></p>
</blockquote><p> </p><p>***</p><p> </p><p>The first words they said to each other had been purely business, and still they somehow hadn’t sounded unfriendly.</p><p> </p><p>“You on your own?“ - “Seems so.“</p><p> </p><p>Back then they hadn’t known each other and still Tommy was there without backstop. Hadn't wanted to look weak and scared because it would have been a stumbling block to every deal. He needed Solomons but mustn’t have appeared submissive - more like someone who needed something but could offer a valuable thing in return.</p><p>Alfie had kept a wary eye on him while he had been drinking, eyeing the glass in Tommy’s hand. Nothing escaped him, not even Tommy’s short smile. The man was obviously not the continuouslyfrigid person he pretended to be. Maybe he could convince other people of it, but not Alfie. He would find out what weak spot it was that would become important regarding this business partner in the end.</p><p> </p><p>Only in retrospect Alfie had looked at their meeting from another point of view. Admitted to himself there was something to his upright posture, same went for his firm expression. His whole appearance was a clear statement. One that pointed out that he would sell his own grandmother, even if his big, blue eyes may look ever so lovely sometimes.</p><p>He had surely placed importance on every detail, from his shoes to his choice of words. The groggy condition certainly hadn’t been part of the plan, but even this thing may be interpreted to his advantage.</p><p>And whereas they had addressed each other formally back then, they were close to each other now - not only regarding addresses. It had been a challenge, but Alfie had accepted it. Had accepted that it would take its time until Tommy allowed himself not to pay attention to every detail. Until he didn’t control himself every second and thought about every gesture, but simply leaned against him because it did him good. Until he unexpectedly came up from behind, wrapping his arms around Alfie, only to whisper something into his ear. It didn’t even matter what exactly he said, as long as it was Tommy. Only the two of them, close to each other, surrounded by silence.</p><p> </p><p>The last words they said to each other were those after they had sex. Or was making love more like it? After they had been laying close together. After Tommy had kissed his neck and Alfie had wondered how he deserved this beauty next to him. They had never searched terms to describe this kind of relationship, it wasn’t necessary - not to mention the fact that it couldn’t be good to set such boundaries. To say that they were this and that and had to act accordingly. It was already good to be close to each other.</p><p> </p><p>“Take care of yourself, alright?“ - “Always.“</p><p> </p><p>He could have never uttered something like <em>I love you</em>, this words seemed to be too powerful, but his touches expressed it all - just like the smile he got as an answer to it. It surely would have looked good on a photo, Alfie thought as a smile appeared on his own lips, too.</p><p>Tommy had already gotten dressed again. This time Alfie already spotted some fur on his coat collar. It were always only small changes, but Alfie noticed them. They only showed that life went on. That Tommy continued building up his wealth, whereas he himself was laying there and could only watch the other man standing on this chessboard and only being able to align himself with the circumstances. He would never entirely control the situation, forever being a token, but maybe still prevail over his enemies.</p><p> </p><p>And even if his style might change, without his clothes it was still Tommy who was standing there in front oh him. The second he took of his clothes he also got rid of all this masks he was wearing by day. The masks that allowed him to win the right people over, but at the same time were only composed of lies.</p><p>Sometimes when they were laying close together, Tommy confided in him. Didn’t only tell him about the political God-awful mess, but about smaller dreams he often understated - as if his wishes didn’t matter, were absolutely petty in comparison to the big deal.</p><p>Tommy looked so alive when he told him about all the things he wanted to. Once he gave up control, Alfie could ruffle his hair for hours while he enthused about his horses. When he thought about buying another animal and asked Alfie’s opinion, even though he knew that the latter had no idea about riding. When he resolved to go for a ride with Charlie again and take Ruby with them. Alfie couldn’t say much about their relationship - only that Tommy tried hard but it was tense nevertheless - but at least there seemed to be a chance that it would get better. A chance Tommy hung on to, even if he would never admit it together with some other things.</p><p> </p><p>Alfie probably didn’t even guess it, but Tommy didn’t forget about his words. <em>Take care of yourself, take care of yourself</em>. Even if it wasn’t completely altruistic, he wanted the best for him. He didn’t need this blood since he had retired. He had found his Margate and at the same time apparently the pleasure out of the peace. <em>The wandering Jew</em> had found peace, if it wasn’t ironic.</p><p>Bit even if he wasn’t wandering anymore, he hadn’t forgotten this lifestyle. How could it be otherwise when he regularly had someone over who still lived that way? Someone who was on his nerve’s ends as good as permanently because plans for the next weeks, notes and years sneaked into his brain again and again?</p><p>But he knew what he could do against it. Alfie knew exactly that Tommy wouldn’t jostle him away when he carefully opened the buttons on his waistcoat, afterwards those on his shirt. Let his lips wander over the exposed skin to leave a love bite on it. The other people wouldn’t see it, but Alfie would live with the thought about Tommy feeling the touch even days later.</p><p>And Tommy did. Loved to recall the hours he associated with it. That Alfie desired him and he felt the same way. That their relationship embodied a high contrast to the world they had met in.</p><p> </p><p>Alfie truly looked gentle, as he was laying there, still wrapped in the duvet, unwilling to get out of bed. Tommy felt it every time when he briefly grabbed him by his arm, as if he wanted to say <em>stay here a little bit longer</em>. As if it wasn’t already hard enough to tear away from him, especially when there was this certain tenderness in his look.</p><p>He gave him a last kiss on the cheek before he left. If everything went according to plan, it wouldn’t be the last time he could do that - a thought that conjured a smile on his lips.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Damn, I grew attached to this little project and now it‘s already over ... why does this always happen to me?</p><p>I really hope that you liked this chapter and enjoyed reading it and having an inner cinema and all that stuff :)<br/>Thank you so much for being a part of this journey and leaving kudos and comments &lt;3 you‘re amazing!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You can find me as @valkrist on Tumblr :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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